The Lost Friend

I lost a friendship. A friendship I was looking forward to since the first moment I caught sight of it. A friendship under which I had found refuge after being betrayed in love. A Friendship which I thought would last forever, because, because after all, it was not love.

Yet, after a while, I lost it. Or perhaps, I decided to lose it. Because you, my friend, were too busy celebrating the love you had been rewarded, that you forgot all about the friendship you were gifted. Because despite being your lighthouse, i couldn’t find you in darkness. Because despite being your immediate place of fun and fantasies and sadness and secrets, for me, you were now a place distant and a time so late. Because despite being told that I was a place for your life, I ended up trying to find my place in your life.

And this time I couldn’t run to you like every other time. This time you weren’t the one with whom I could get vulnerable. When I complained, you did unheard. When I expressed, you ignored. I went to you all that way with all those things, but you weren’t even looking. So I went silent raising hells inside. And then came the stupid question; ‘Do you love me?’- you ask. ‘No, idiot, I don’t.’ ‘What for, then?’ And I didn’t know. May be for I wanted you to hit with a hammer and wished you to come back to me just like before. But you never did. Because you think you aren’t gone. But if you aren’t gone, why aren’t you here?

I lost a friendship. And it hurts. It hurts hell. It isn’t the luxurious and proud pain of heartbreak when your lover leaves you and you can cry and scream and blame and talk. It’s the indefinite, undefined dull ache that constantly wrenches your gut, and tears aren’t allowed to fall down. You’re too strong to fight for your friendship, and too weak to compete with their love. You can’t leave but you hate to stay. You can’t stay but you hate to leave. And the saddest part is, your friend is too much occupied to notice whether you are staying or have already left.

I lost a friendship. A friendship I was looking forward to since the first moment I caught sight of it. A friendship I had believed in after losing faith in everything else. A friendship, which I think didn’t last forever, because, because after all, it wasn’t love.

Letter to the guy best friend

• 

Like after ages, tonight again, I have decided to hide behind the words. So tell me, to rely on those words, which I am writing to you, isn’t this reason enough that you’re my best friend? And, unlike those fabled love tales where my words usually dance, in this letter to let my syllables stumble, isn’t this reason enough that you’re my best friend, and you will hold them somewhere?

So tell me, shall this reason be enough for me to open my heart before you?

Because you see, unlike Love, In our friendship, we have no climaxes, no heights, no moon, no tides. No priorities to be taken, no Heartbeats to be raced. No rains to get wet, No fantasies to full fill. No eternities, no ecstacies. No convergence, thus followed by no intersection. And also, You aren’t my world, and I don’t live in you.

But then, we have got no surface, no shores, no fears, no ends. No moon, but we got all the stars. No Heartbeats, but all the fucking brain cells. No rains, but hurricanes to play. No ecstacies, but the evergreen euphoria. No intersection, and thus followed by no divergence. And also, You are the home, where I don’t live often, but always come back in the end.

So tell me, just because I am not your love, and only your best friend, am I not supposed to miss you much when you are away? Just because I am only your best friend shall I not cry harder when you cry hard? Just because I am only your best friend don’t have I any right to try to grip you harder while you slip faster, from my life? Just because I am only your best friend should i be embarrassed about the fact that I too, sometimes get afraid of being replaced? Just because I am only your best friend does it get awkward to tell that the world seems more beautiful with you, and voided, without you..

So tell me, while I think I might lose you, shall I back off, or shall I call you back once more, with the reason that I am your best friend? Will this reason be enough for you, or will you wait there for the more reasonable love? And- and, will you come back to stay at the pause and never leave my side, again?
Will this reason be enough for you that I am your best friend?